I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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