I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
