Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
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whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
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I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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