how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
