If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Randomize
