i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
