Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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