Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
