One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
