I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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