we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
