dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
