I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
