He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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