Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Randomize
