my phone needs a breathalizer
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
