The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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