she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
he just fucked me for my cheese.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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