she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
