Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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