Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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