it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
