No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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