I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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