Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
