That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
