cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
the day after is always just damage control
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
