i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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