some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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