He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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