turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
