Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
