But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
