Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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