You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
