she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
