If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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