how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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