On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
my poor anus
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
