no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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