you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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