biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
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