you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
thus making me awesome and them whores
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
