She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
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There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
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You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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