omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
