We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
