I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
