so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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