He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
