do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
