I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
