Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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