His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
