Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
