I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
