i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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