woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
