I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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