Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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