If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
