Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
