i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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