I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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