2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
