hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
