I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
