um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
