NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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