I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
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