Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
