I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
