In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
